when it's over...

when it's over
when it's over

One more month, I tell myself
one more month is all I have to stand it

I'm sitting here having intense feeling of wanting to change
I want to be able to live like a normal person. I don't want to be so busy I can't do a good job, or have time for the good things.

I've been standing my life for... about ten years now
Ever since I woke up, I've been struggling. Managing, doing what I should, taking the right decisions, saying the right things, helping, being nice. When you let the joke be on you every day it gets old. When your friends think it's ok to make the joke on you, they aren't really your friends. They are just people in your life, tools.

I need to receive and I'm not waiting any longer. I'm so tired of the way my life goes. I don't think I'd notice if happiness came knocking, because I'm so blinded by the struggle. I somehow have accepted that happiness isn't for me and try to live life without it. I wasn't supposed to be touched or noticed. I wasn't supposed to move or love.

But come june... come august... come fall... I'll get my life back.
Come my departure for Canada, I'll change. One more month I'll have to stand it, this existence, and then to make the most I must stand the summer. It is the same, I know it's the same thing as the past years, just a few more months and then it'll all get better. But really I've lived too long to not take the good decisions. I have to go through these challenges ahead, they will never go away.

Maybe it's my attitude towards it all, and if I'd just lighten up and not hate it so much, my life would be a dream. But really, the energy that I once had, it has stolen away from me. It isn't a good place. I must quit it, and start the life I should have...

come fall and I will.